Way to Screw Up My Rhythm, Bitch

Don’t you just love Muscle Marys? They’re like half boiled eggs, hard on the outside, soft in the inside. Not that I have anything against these beautiful creatures. I was at the gym fitness center the other day, having my routine run when this muscle dude came and used the treadmill beside me. I don’t mind, we all pay the same fees anyways because we couldn’t afford our own private gym. That’s not the point. Suddenly, there was this awful stench. I can’t help but wonder (imagine me in that ponyface Carrie Bradshaw pose), is it coming from yours truly? Of course not, you all know for a fact I smell like roses in spring when I sweat, right? This one is worse than body odor! Okay maybe not but close enough. Read more

How to Annoy People Effortlessly

Hope everyone had a good break because mine was kinda sucky (don’t ask). Anyhoo, I was at the bank the other day and there was like two million people inside. That’s kinda forgivable since we were just out from a long(ish) public holiday. Amidst all types of people from every imaginable walk of life, all of sudden I smelled something funky. I knew this scent. Very well in fact. Hmm… Let’s see, it’s kinda pungent, very human-like, a bit tangy if you breathe it in with your normal breathing rate. HOLY SHIT it’s BODY ODOUR! Read more

“Aileen Wait For Me Ah, I Want to Shit!”

I don’t know but whenever I go to a local mall, something whack will happen. My girl friend went to the toilet and when she got back, her face looked like chicken shit. Then she told me what happened. Read more