How to Become a Caucasian in 5 Easy Steps

Born genetically an Asian? Don’t be discouraged. There’s still hope of becoming America’s Next Top Model that gorgeous Hollywood stars you’ve seen so often on movies and television. There are actually many advantages of being a white person in Malaysia, you’ll get special attention when shopping and dining in restaurants, get recognized by local magazines as ‘hot’ if you’re a male, among others. Just follow these 5 simple steps and you’re on your way of becoming the next Anchelina Choli or Blad Pit! Read more

How to Annoy People Effortlessly

Hope everyone had a good break because mine was kinda sucky (don’t ask). Anyhoo, I was at the bank the other day and there was like two million people inside. That’s kinda forgivable since we were just out from a long(ish) public holiday. Amidst all types of people from every imaginable walk of life, all of sudden I smelled something funky. I knew this scent. Very well in fact. Hmm… Let’s see, it’s kinda pungent, very human-like, a bit tangy if you breathe it in with your normal breathing rate. HOLY SHIT it’s BODY ODOUR! Read more

Coming Soon: Malaysia’s Next Internet Voyeur Star

Ah, another copycat attempt that is truly Malaysian. Actually, being true to Malaysian entertainment principles, they renamed it to “Malaysian Dreamgirl” and being the cheapskate bastards they were, they decided this to be like an online thing, since it’s kinda cool. Yeah, whatever. All we need is another “Malaysia’s Most Beautiful” show that is utterly pointless and waste of time and money. Not to mention, bringing the Malaysian audience few IQ points lower to dumbnation. Read more

“Aileen Wait For Me Ah, I Want to Shit!”

I don’t know but whenever I go to a local mall, something whack will happen. My girl friend went to the toilet and when she got back, her face looked like chicken shit. Then she told me what happened. Read more

Blue Is A Masculine Color

What is it with guys and the color blue? It’s like, at least 70% of straight guys I knew have a blue car. And not any kinda of blue, it’s the type of deep sky blue. Doesn’t matter what type of car you have, just make it that tone of blue. I tell you from my so called artistic point of view, they’re totally hideous. Don’t ever paint your car (or anything for that matter) this type of blue. It’s garish, immature and the color makes a $30,000 car looks about $2,000. I wish I have a picture to show though. Read more