1. Wear ridiculously colored contact lenses

Dark brown eyes are SO not attractive, especially for an Asian. If you were to wear them, make sure they’re either blue, green or even gray because apparently all Caucasians has those eye colors. If people look terrified when they see your beautiful artificial eyes, don’t worry. They’re just crazy jealous because their natural pairs are friggin’ boring.

2. Dye your hair

Black hair screams Asian and you don’t want that. There’s nothing more attractive and natural than an Asian girl with a red / blond hair. Trust me, they WON’T make you look like an orang utan. Just because your face is similar, enhancing it with auburn hair doesn’t make you even close to one.

3. Try to speak English wherever and whenever

Don’t worry how broken your English are, because speaking in your native language is not cool okay? Even better, try to fake an accent, preferably American or British. They sound so nice and effortless on your Asian tongue. Remember, speak to everyone including that auntie who sells vegetables at your local pasar malam, because practice makes perfect.

4. Dress as little as possible

Oh yeah, people in the west always dress that minimal. No, you definitely don’t look like a Thai callgirl when you wear that 2 inch mini skirt and matching cleavage-revealing halter top, your boobies and vajayjay will appreciate the airiness they provide.

5. Get a Caucasian boyfriend

If all else fails, get a white boyfriend. Instead of behaving like regular couples, admire him everyday by saying he’s cute and be amazed at everything he does. Example: “OMG I never knew white people can do that!” or ask your friends constantly “My boyfriend handsome or not?” Your friends will totally appreciate that.

I really wanted to put some pictures as examples because I know how you people love visuals, but since there’s too many of them already, I don’t want to fuck up my server. What I can do however, is provide you a reference. Good luck, bitches!

Note: Again I don’t have to clarify that this is NOT a racial post, but since I’ll definitely gonna get dissed for this anyways, be aware that it’s for people (especially Asian girls) who think they look so good when trying too hard to copy their Hollywood idols. People should be happy the way they are and embrace what they’re born with.

Somehow, I’m sensing pride from the beginning. And based on my previous predictions, my instincts are kinda good. All of a sudden people started talking about this obese kid and overnight he became famous. Then the next day, ANOTHER kid who is like two years YOUNGER and weighs HEAVIER at 120kg appears in the news. From what I read, he’s openly proud of it. Like, oh I’m morbidly obese but I’m hyper active and play sports and shit. What on earth this world comes down into? If you are young and the size of five people, you have a strong chance of becoming a superstar? Screw talent shows! My weight is the talent now. It’s funny how some things work in this part of the world.

Tomorrow, expect a 6 year old kid who weighs 140kg in the news (if we calculate the growth exponentially that is). Fatties are in so stuff yourself to get that “golden” weight that’s going to make you famous!