How to Become a Caucasian in 5 Easy Steps

Posted on April 20, 2008  in Bodylicious, Boys & Girls

Born genetically an Asian? Don’t be discouraged. There’s still hope of becoming America’s Next Top Model that gorgeous Hollywood stars you’ve seen so often on movies and television. There are actually many advantages of being a white person in Malaysia, you’ll get special attention when shopping and dining in restaurants, get recognized by local magazines as ‘hot’ if you’re a male, among others. Just follow these 5 simple steps and you’re on your way of becoming the next Anchelina Choli or Blad Pit!

1. Wear ridiculously colored contact lenses

Dark brown eyes are SO not attractive, especially for an Asian. If you were to wear them, make sure they’re either blue, green or even gray because apparently all Caucasians has those eye colors. If people look terrified when they see your beautiful artificial eyes, don’t worry. They’re just crazy jealous because their natural pairs are friggin’ boring.

2. Dye your hair

Black hair screams Asian and you don’t want that. There’s nothing more attractive and natural than an Asian girl with a red / blond hair. Trust me, they WON’T make you look like an orang utan. Just because your face is similar, enhancing it with auburn hair doesn’t make you even close to one.

3. Try to speak English wherever and whenever

Don’t worry how broken your English are, because speaking in your native language is not cool okay? Even better, try to fake an accent, preferably American or British. They sound so nice and effortless on your Asian tongue. Remember, speak to everyone including that auntie who sells vegetables at your local pasar malam, because practice makes perfect.

4. Dress as little as possible

Oh yeah, people in the west always dress that minimal. No, you definitely don’t look like a Thai callgirl when you wear that 2 inch mini skirt and matching cleavage-revealing halter top, your boobies and vajayjay will appreciate the airiness they provide.

5. Get a Caucasian boyfriend

If all else fails, get a white boyfriend. Instead of behaving like regular couples, admire him everyday by saying he’s cute and be amazed at everything he does. Example: “OMG I never knew white people can do that!” or ask your friends constantly “My boyfriend handsome or not?” Your friends will totally appreciate that.

I really wanted to put some pictures as examples because I know how you people love visuals, but since there’s too many of them already, I don’t want to fuck up my server. What I can do however, is provide you a reference. Good luck, bitches!

Note: Again I don’t have to clarify that this is NOT a racial post, but since I’ll definitely gonna get dissed for this anyways, be aware that it’s for people (especially Asian girls) who think they look so good when trying too hard to copy their Hollywood idols. People should be happy the way they are and embrace what they’re born with.

Crappy Comments

16 Responses to “How to Become a Caucasian in 5 Easy Steps”

  1. tini on April 30th, 2008 12:02 pm

    hahaha! i love this!

  2. Whateverhappens85@yahoo.com on May 7th, 2008 7:54 am

    The sentence should be – ‘Don’t worry how broken your English are, practice makes perfect’

    Congrats Crap your blog is STILL crap.

  3. Fumbucker on May 9th, 2008 2:12 am

    Me loves the white dick:)

  4. Aphroditee on June 5th, 2008 9:18 pm

    LOL

    I blame you for making me feel ugly.I hate reading her blog

    But after reading your five steps.. kinda changed my mind, love my golden skin and dark exotic hair

  5. Unknown on September 28th, 2008 4:56 am

    Im sry, but I absolutely hated that.
    The way you said white peoplee do this and that, and look better.
    Screw You.
    F U!
    Im pure korean.
    I dun like wat ur saying!

  6. Etienne on October 5th, 2008 4:20 am

    The “reference” is damn funny mate, i have to admit. haha.

  7. Unknown on November 6th, 2008 6:21 pm

    Why do you guys want to fake yourself?
    Just be yourself.
    This above all “To your own self, always be true”.

  8. Blonde-Green eyes on November 23rd, 2008 9:00 am

    white power :)

  9. BusukButYummy on January 21st, 2009 12:05 am

    In Malaysia whities get so much respect, even though they wear shorts, havent bathe for a week and have five ringgit in their pockets. Think respect at the shopping mall. When was the last time us asians got that much respect. And those asian women looking so so proud with thier white boyfriends. Can u say vomit? Time to wake up, if it wasnt for them, we wouldnt have so much racial problems in Boleh-land.

  10. he he.. on April 11th, 2009 2:22 pm

    gile la…soo true, and the best examples that we can see are the Malaysian’s celerities…Anita Sarawak…

  11. Sadie on September 7th, 2009 8:28 am

    haha that’s hilarios.
    jessica alba has brown eyes.
    i have to get my hair lowlighted, you’re soo lucky you have naturally black hair.
    yeah.. teenage girls here do dress a teensy but over revealing…. but we BATHE! jesus. my freinds are pretty much ocd about bathing every day so i do not know where that came from.
    oh, and that link.. sigh..

  12. unknown on April 28th, 2010 10:25 am

    fuck you. whoever wrote this really ignorant.

  13. Dimitar on May 12th, 2010 4:20 am

    OMG, That girl is awesome. She looks even more Caucasian than all the Caucasian girls I know (and I only know Caucasian girls). Maybe she must try red hair next… As for those Asian people who feel offended, please don’t be so angry. I’m sure there are many Caucasian people who want to become Asian so it’s mutual.

  14. CranNL on May 27th, 2010 8:13 pm

    Dimitar is right, I have many friends who have “Asian fever” – They want to be Asian, learn Asian languages and act Asian. They also think NO girls are attractive(Except when they’re Asian!), so.. don’t feel bad if you’re Asian, lol.

  15. Randall on June 28th, 2010 12:11 pm

    ur so fucking hilarious…like it…but no recommending it…lol ;)

  16. Randall on June 28th, 2010 12:11 pm

    ur so fucking hilarious…like it…but not recommending it…lol ;)

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