Astro Blows & There’s Nothing We Can Do About It

Posted on February 14, 2008  in Amusement, Capitalism

It’s kinda pathetic really, while the rest of the world enjoys premium quality high definition broadcasting, we are stuck with blurry analogue crap in Astro. Of course some of you might say, o wise Mister Crap, if you fucking hate Astro so much why you even bother to subscribe?

Very clever, my subjects. In an ideal world, I would never want to be associated or contribute even a nanosecond of my precious time and my hard earned working class money to this greedy mofo of a corporation. However, let me take you on this real life scenario.

The Situation

Me without Astro. Only access to effortless* entertainment to keep me sane is through our lovely local TV stations.

Alrighty, I want to see some naked native people with crazy tits and crusty crotches on National Geographic. Wait a minute, isn’t that only available on Astro? Oh well, I’m feeling like a teenage schoolgirl who badly wanted to see some orgasmic Westlife music videos. Let’s watch MTV, girlfriends. Oops, only in Astro?

Never mind, my hungry self need to watch that giant tatas woman Nigella Lawson show (something about cooking I guess). Nope, not on our local stations. Only in Astrolicious. Screw that, there are some fabulous retro daytime movies on Cinemax I’d like to see (like Whatever Happened to Baby Jane OMG). Hey, isn’t Cinemax on Astro too?

Shit, I’m stuck!

The Alternative

Oh I know I know, we have an alternative to Astro. THANK GOD. This brave contender is called MiTV. Since all the major channels (and the only ones that matter) are taken, MiTV scrapes the leftovers which was basically nothing. Read my pixels. NOTHING.

Eh, wait a minute. Where’s MiTV? What? U Television? WTF? Oh kay…

We are Malaysia’s digital terrestrial multi-channel pay-TV operator with plans to launch our new services upon completion of the on-going re-engineering, relocation and migration of our core pay-TV platform using DVB-T technology and MPEG-4/H.264 digital video codec standard.

OMG I am totally salivating to subscribe just by looking at the design of your website. So classy right! Those codecs babble sounds interesting so fine, I’ll wait another million years for shitty leftover channels.

Conclusion

I never knew Astro was actually part of my basic human needs! Now I know how important it is to donate RM88.95 of our hard earned money to Astro every month for the rest of our lives in exchange for a crappy analogue signals, local brainless copycat production and shitty customer service.

Can’t you see?

THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ASTRO. NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU COMPLAINT ASTRO WILL NEVER CHANGE BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. KTHXBAI.

* Internet does not considered as effortless since you have to do the search, download, wait, watch and delete routine. No, dimwits YouTube is NOT TV.

Crappy Comments

12 Responses to “Astro Blows & There’s Nothing We Can Do About It”

  1. drsafemode on February 15th, 2008 3:08 pm

    high definition decoder doesn’t come at a cheap price

  2. wah wah on February 19th, 2008 1:43 am

    hehe..u got it. Malaysians are royally screwed by ASTRO. Talk about total domination! I don’t even watch TV1, Tv2 or tv3…thank god for the internet and some good books.

  3. sam on February 27th, 2008 12:45 am

    Totally agree. I remeber last time there was this MITV from Berjaya Corporation that is doing the same business, but halfway through, no news from it. I guess it must have been a failed project. So, astro domination continues! The other thing that could replace astro would be internet tv, but it will have to wait until our broadband is really “BROAD”.

  4. Alucard on March 24th, 2008 8:30 pm

    if you’re subscribe to astro.. ure pretty much institutionalized…. u hate it n yet u cant live without it…

  5. Rob on April 16th, 2008 6:36 pm

    Hi there
    sorry to hear you are fed up with astro.
    if its any consolation, the employees are fed up as well. i get mine free, but hardly watch it because of repeats, poor quality material and audio and the classic ‘i worked long hours for them’.
    there was talk about 2 years ago of either removing their exclusive license to encourage compaetion or to set up a tv licence fee like the UK for which the income derived woudl be used to create quality programming again liek the BBC.

    regards

  6. Azman on April 23rd, 2008 11:18 am

    Now, Astro wants u to change the gold card. At first I tried it but, there was no reception . then,I got a message from them to change the new card and the old one would be terminated. It’s a hassle…. I’m sure they wanna add some more channels and then charge u more….. , I don’t think you need the astro recorder any more bcoz they repeat the programmes every so often that I’m sure you’ll catch up with the missed portions.

  7. Fumbucker on May 9th, 2008 2:09 am

    I fucking hate Astro. Where’s my porn bitches?

  8. FTWBTWFU on May 15th, 2008 12:57 pm

    Well like every corporation here they all have same mentallity…..dealing with it instead of trying to change it.

    I called today asking for subtitles to be removed from the stations I recieve & they tell me the provider does that not them.

    I ask for a number for the provider they reply “sorry sir but we only have customer svc hotline.”
    So I ask for his boss he tells me not availible & there’s no number to call just customer service hotline.

    I told him repeat yourself again cus you must love hearing your voice & you’re convincing no one but yourself you fucking inbred halfwit.

    STAND UP & MAKE A CHANGE >>>>> FUCK CONFORMING

  9. anonymous on January 2nd, 2009 3:48 pm

    yeah..yeah..quite agree with the statements. i paid rm 100 for only 12 hours program..where’s another 12 hours? satellite problem? heavy rain? astro, please do something about this.IMMEDIATELY!!!

  10. Lovely on January 12th, 2009 4:33 pm

    Like everyone, i have gone thru tuff time with this Astro as well.For sure the owner can buy a mansion in Australi coz we are paying for it. BAD SERVICE , BAD RECEPTION , UNNECESSARY CHARGES , BULL SHIT !! REPEAT THE SAME – In ASTRO you will never miss any show as the same goes on for months.Mr Bean Holiday !! Blue Streak ! Bone Eater ! Fallen Angel !Home Alone 1 , 2 , 3 !! to name a few !! NANNY — you can even remember what dress she wears !!

  11. BusukButYummy on January 21st, 2009 12:47 am

    Hey, look on the brightside. We are still better than shazashazaland, north africa. The only entertainment you get there is when a lion kills a deer.

    How many times i told you guys..degil…we are at the mercy of corporations here. You want, pay, dont like, too bad.

  12. R2D2 on June 5th, 2009 2:51 pm

    ASTRO is a DRS (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels). All they do is suck customer’s blood like a Tick (kutu) and leave them high & dry. When it comes to disconnecting people’s line very fast coz there’s a RM20 reconnection fee charge. Merciless and ruthless is their middle name.When it come to censorship not even the scenes are edited even certain mild words that do not pose a issue are being remove. So by the time the movie ends you have to literally figure out what the freaking hack was the movie all about….
    They fail to understand that theres internet which give everyone full access to all sorts of stuff.
    I think the right word would be “STUPIDITY for the wrong reasons, IGNORANT for the right reasons, IDIOTIC for not being brilliant enough to run a proper TV station service provider”
    Day in day out same old repeats without fail. When there’s a storm and we are unable to view, they don’t give refunds. Just keep taking & taking but not giving. I wish there was a competitor who could put this DRS in the sh#t hole. Burn in hell money grabbing swindlers….

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